The surmise..

Living for worldly things sure has its own pros.. You are bound to find more people , if not all, thinking like you!! Venturing into unknown territory is always that much scarier because it is "unknown" .. Expecting something from the unknown is pretty impossible .. But as easy as it is to expect something from the known its perhaps dangerous..

Expectations are distinctly related to knowledge..You can only expect from something u know but thats where the relation should ideally end .. Trouble begins when you stretch it to the "vice versa" ie. If you know something you expect something ..

Come to think , expectations are perhaps the paramount cause for disappointment in life . As humans our minds are trained to optimism . Even the most pessimist of people would have an optimistic view inside them . Once you set yourself an optimistic expectation you can never beat it which takes away the joy of even equalling the expectation...

Surmise and the thrill in life is somewhat taken over by the ambiguous lull .. But whats more arduous is not living upto the expectations ..

Euthanasia...

Carrying on from earlier, in retrospect it feels it could have been so much better to have seen the grass beneath my feet from a different horizon than to crash into it head first and have it stare into my face .. But then even that would have been so much better for it would atleast have kept me on the same patch of green and not been catapulated off it onto a barren road..

Not only do we live in a world of multiple illusions but so easily turn illusionists for someone else .. Often is surprising how people would paint themselves green to camouflage in the trees .. And that makes it surprising to see someone not do so .. But what leaves you agape is to see the same person get sick of the paint and walk off leaving the fields for some swamp .. But is the swamp just an illusion and could it actually be the Amazon??

Trying to be yourself reminds me of a line : " If you live each day as if it were your last ... One day you will most certainly be right." Death is perhaps the only thing that would make petty things in a life non existent.. In its wake only the things most truly important to you stand in front of you.. And those break the illusion around you..

For most of us though death is as far fetched a concept as nuclear science .. Its something we wont be bothered to understand or think about .. But when need be, you wont find an aegis to abate it .. With such an idea how do we ,if ever, think and not just think, but use ,the thought of death effectively?

A more important thing to think of is what exactly would be an "effective" use ?? Money?? Fame ?? Riches ?? But arent these just as futile as a persons Yahoo Mail account in the age of Gmail??

So what is effective .....

The illusionist...

I never really felt an acute need for blogging and as I write something now I'm still half perplexed as to why I am doing so .. But then there never is much point doing something without knowing why...

A bigger and more practical question is who the hell is going to read this? I hardly give a damn as of now..I'd rather just write for myself which is odd because why would I write something and be the only reader to it ???

So lets go again...Why blog? Why write? Why not just do something "creative" online like perhaps alternately F5'ing on Orkut and Facebook! Oh did I just forget all the "green dots" on Google Talk?Well off late the F5 key on my keyboard has undergone wear n tear so it was time i gave the other keys an equal and unjust try...

On a more operose note , there are things in life that deserve penning down..or in this case typing down...Things that make you think and think harder and then you still dont understand them when actually the answer is staring in your face like something written in fontsize 30...Something like a life long chain smoker wondering why he cant sprint 100 m without panting like a dog...

The answers are there .. Staring at you..But you just want alternatives ..Something less painstaking..Its difficult to accept certain things but for me its even more difficult for me to live in illusions.. Illusions are cocaine...They make you happy..They make you feel good...But how long can they really last? After all "all that goes up must come down!" in the metaphoric as well as a literal sense !! I lived the life of an addict for long..Never even knowing I was one...And that was perhaps the beauty of it all..But then why and even more intriguing is how did I get out of it?

Quite an idiosyncracy but twisting an old proverb to my liking i would say "the grass is always greener on the other side because you seldom have the courage to look down beneath your own feet"...You just dont know what you are standing over until you are on the other side of the fence ...